The Cycle of Addiction

7:18pm
A few years ago I got some good advice. After a meeting, a friend who had been in recovery for around ten years and had quite a few years of sobriety gave me some feedback about what I had shared. He said that the cycle of addiction can be stopped at any stage. He went on to elaborate that although as addicts we tend to focus on our acting out behavior, the shame that follows it is just as important in keeping us in that terrible cycle.

The cycle of addiction starts with pain. To medicate the pain, an addict acts out in his addiction. In the past that particular behavior or substance has worked to ameliorate that pain and so he turns to it again. The acting out (or using) works to ease that pain and allows him a temporary escape from it. But once he’s done acting out, whatever he was trying to escape resurfaces, usually with a greater force since by acting out the addict avoided doing anything that got at the real problem. That’s when the shame kicks in. The shame and other negative feelings produced as a result of acting out produce the desire to escape those feelings. For an addict his main coping mechanism is to again to turn to the compulsive behavior. With that, the cycle is complete. For a more elaborate explanation of the cycle click here and here.

My friend explained that if we can work on the guilt and shame that accompanies our acting out then we can stop the cycle there. That advice, along with a lot of other things I ‘ve read and heard over the years have got me to try and work on the shame aspect of my addiction. To an extent, I think I’ve made some progress. I realize that sex addiction is a disease. And while I don’t completely subscribe to the idea that, “I didn’t cause it. I can’t control it. I can’t cure it.” I do realize that the underpinnings of my addiction are rooted way back and I have to play the cards I’ve been dealt. I continue to make progress and for that I’m thankful. I’m even seeing a bit that the process of uncovering my addiction and working towards spiritual reawakening is ultimately a gift from God to get me to a level of seriousness in my spiritual life that I may never have otherwise achieved.

I thought I had made some serious advancement toward handling the shame that comes as a result of acting out. But after acting out today I had a thought. It occurred to me that after acting out, I still want to escape and isolate. That desire to isolate comes from the shame and self-loathing that I’ve been trying to work on. Maybe I haven’t made as much progress as I would’ve liked but I learned something valuable about myself. I’ll take that.